I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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