I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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