i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
