I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
