I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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