hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
