He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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