I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
