im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
