he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize