I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
