Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
