Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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