Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
