ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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