remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
