I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
