You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
