Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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