I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
