his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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