The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
