I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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