i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
