he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
