what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
