No awkward lesbian experiences without me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
