Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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