dude i'm inner monologue high
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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