Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
