i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
