Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
