Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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