I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
