: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
