Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
