Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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