Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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