apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
