You can't motorboat a personality
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
