Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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