My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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