Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
