but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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