YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The uberlube is also flammable
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
