my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
