I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
