life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
