I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
