I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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