look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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