While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
