"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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