the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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