Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
