Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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