The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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