I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
