butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
