More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
