first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
