When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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