I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
