for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She's the barista slut.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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