I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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