im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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