The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
