I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
