there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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