Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize