I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
