When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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