I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
