Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
