dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
