i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Small penises have feelings too.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
