So drunk its hurt
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
