he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
