I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
