Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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