i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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