On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
