Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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