ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
