So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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