He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
