I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
